Now I have my first problem. I have not edited this at all:
Hi Aurora. I have a question. A number of years ago I moved to a new state, just a few hours from where I used to live. I used to go back and visit my old friends several times a year, and stay with them at their houses. It was really great and we have remained terrific friends over the years.
But, they rarely ever make the trip to visit ME and my family. It is just a few hours by car but one family has never, ever come up to visit, despite repeated invitations. Another friend does come but not nearly as frequently.
Sometimes I feel like I care more about my friends than they do about me. It used to hurt my feelings that they wouldn’t make the trip. Now I hardly ever go visit anymore. I don’t like losing friends because people aren’t willing to make the effort to stay connected. Do you have any advice for me?
Thanks,
A Faraway Friend
Dear A Faraway Friend,
This is a tough case because you have invited them multiple times. The best thing to do right now is get on the phone or webcam, and talk. Make sure they really understand this is important to you. No friend is worth losing to distance, no matter how large. Make sure you are open in the conversation, or things could get ugly. But that doesn’t mean buying into their excuses, either. What I would recomend is clearly stating the problem. Then ask what they think, and move on. Arranging for them to come over this weekend, or whatever time works for you is a good problem solver. This should be the main point of the conversation. Remember, go to people with solutions, not problems and you’ll get a lot more done. I hope you get to see them soon and mend your fraying friendship.
-Aurora
